Bonus chapter: 55+
(after Jamie receives a seven-day suspension from FitFams for playing explicit music)
Solace frequently came to Jamie in the form of a carefully constructed and perfectly apportioned salad from Whole Foods. With tongs she would select the perfect leaves of spinach and create a bed for six cherry tomatoes, six crisp pepper strips, and six paper-thin mushroom slices. She would also allow two tablespoons each of smoked mozzarella pasta salad and lemon yellowfin dill tuna salad to occupy diagonal corners of the rectangular to-go container. Then she would travel to the hot bar and take in the savory smells of baked chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn.
She met others like herself there, people who stared and sniffed through the sneeze guard, loitering along the beautiful and overpriced buffet, its bins of rainbow-colored produce and toppings creating a grid of goodness. They became something of a club — she thought of them as the Salad Bar Squad, with duties similar to those of a Neighborhood Watch group, alerting each other to new additions and making sure the staff knew when items were running low. Unlike a Neighborhood Watch Group, though, they aided and abetted each other’s crimes, playing lookout if someone wanted to sneak a cube of chicken-fried tofu into her mouth and not pay for it.
“Can’t decide what you want to get?” asked a bone-thin 19-year-old girl with stringy blonde hair and oversized sweats. This was Stella. Jamie did not know where she went before and after lunchtime at Whole Foods and never asked.
Few sounds were as satisfying to Jamie as the pop-pop of snapping shut her completed container of carry-out. But today it was empty and open, the lid hanging sadly from its hinge.
“Yeah,” Jamie sighed. “I’m having a really tough time.”
“You’ll figure it out,” Stella said, moving along to inspect the croutons and seeds.
Jamie wondered: Is she referring to the food, or to my life?
She pulled out her phone with her free hand and used the thumb to open Instagram and tap the story for FitFams Atlanta account. There was Willa, coaching a class that was Jamie’s before her seven-day suspension began earlier in the week.
The class was full, which hurt Jamie’s heart. She had secretly wished her clients would boycott and demand Jamie be reinstated. But there they all were, sweating along to Willa’s cues, apparently unfazed by the substitution.
She clicked over to her own account and checked the likes and comments on her latest post, which was a hot shot of her in leggings and a crop top, posing under a tree at Piedmont Park. The caption read: “Like that movie said, ‘I’ll be back!’ Don’t worry, fam. You haven’t seen the last of me. Stay tuned for details!”
Three likes. Two were from Russian bots named “Gigigetmorelikes44” and “askyourmom.” One was, inexplicably, from a guy who hosted twerking pool parties in the Atlanta suburbs.
She wanted to cry.
A seven-day suspension from coaching at FitFams — the number couldn’t be a coincidence. Seven days of creation. Seven pairs of every clean animal on the ark. Seven years of plenty. Seven years of famine. Seven brothers for King David. Seven loaves that became seven baskets of surplus. Seven demons driven out by Mary Magdalene. Seven last sayings of Jesus on the cross. Seven gifts of the Holy Spirit. Seven virtues.
Seven deadly sins.
Clearly she was being punished for more than just songs with the word “fuck” in them at FitFams. She was being punished for last weekend’s athletic threesome with Coach Jen and her trans friend, Sasha, after Soju Highballs at neon-lit Little Trouble. For scarfing down a heaping bowl of oil-soaked chickpea spaghetti after popping 16 milligrams of THC gummies alone on a Tuesday afternoon. For never calling home, for never going to church, for showing her collarbones and her midriff and her legs and pretty much just bathing in sin.
What did the Bible say? What had her mother told her?
1 Corinthians 6:9: Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20: Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
Colossians 3:20: Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
Her mother also liked to paraphrase, saying things like, “Those who sin earn eternal punishment.”
What can I do to earn God’s favor? Maybe be more like Enoch, who went for long and uninterrupted walks with God to better recognize His voice and his Word? That guy was spirited up to heaven without dying a natural death. Or maybe I should try to emulate Moses, whose humility allowed him to meet God face-to-face and get on a first-name basis?
Jamie looked at her empty container, then put it back, face-down, on the stack. She browsed the olive bar, taking in the sight of its oily ovals, and made her way to the desserts. Tiramisu cake. Fresh fruit tart. Cherry turnovers. New York cheesecake. Blueberry scones.
Temptations.
She passed the checkout area and grabbed a handful of brown paper napkins, then returned to the treats. Checking to make sure no one was watching, she dug her fingers into a lemon-iced poundcake meant for slicing and shoved a hunk into her mouth.
The sugar on her tongue was like a jolt of joy. She chewed the spongy cake and let it fill up her cheeks.
Here’s where I start, she thought. Here’s where I get back on the path of righteousness. Starting today, I will be disciplined. I will be good in God’s sight.
In Dee’s sight.
Jamie cupped her mouth with the napkins and spit out the cake. She hadn’t swallowed a crumb. Then she wadded it up, threw it in the garbage, and left the store.